After 3 weeks of Spanish tapas, French baguettes and about a barrel of Beaujolais per day, I returned to Jozi determined to get in shape. I was looking for new inspiration for this very, very, old goal when I realized that there was one weight loss avenue I hadn’t yet tried. I’d tried dieticians, Weigh Less, Herbalife, half marathons, you name it, but I hadn’t actually been to see a sports scientist. Not wanting to discriminate against this branch of the weight loss industry, I resolved to find one.
After hours of nearly googling myself into a coma, I had found absolutely nothing. Not a single Doctor of Sports Science to be found in the city of Johannesburg. Seriously. And not because they don’t exist in South Africa. Not at all. They completely exist. They just all live in Cape Town. I guess why would a Sporty Spice who studies sports science choose to settle down in the Big Smoke? They wouldn’t, basically. They’d choose to live in the fair cape where they can hike, kite-surf and ride their bicycles up mountains, every day, from 4pm onwards.
I was lamenting this sorry state of affairs over a bottle of wine with mates. (Couldn’t possibly start the health kick without the help of my as yet, non-existent sports scientist.) And that’s when I realised why all sports scientists live in Cape Town. Their clients all live there. Unlike chiropractors, who would have no clients in Cape Town. Listen to this: one of our banker friends told us that his chiropractor makes so much money in Joburg, he now works “mornings only”. According to Dr Half-Day, long hours sitting behind personal computers have stuffed up peoples’ necks and backs so badly, that he will be in the money as long as people spend vast amounts of time in front of their PC’s.
So Banker Boy was like “Wow! That’s great for you, Doc. Half-days and still making a killing? But jeez, if you’re only working half-day, you might as well move to Cape Town?”
“Nah,” replied Dr Half-Day. “Can’t. Not too many sore necks in Cape Town – people don’t work long enough hours down there.”
It’s Wednesday evening and The Husband and I have just arrived in the Mother City for the quarter finals on Saturday. I may go and hunt down a sports scientist while I’m here – I’ll be sure to start my search and 10am and end it by 1.
Then again, how often does the World Cup come to SA? Maybe I’ll start my diet next Monday…
PS: I did find a great sport scientist on-line: a Dr Ross Tucker, PhD. He writes a blog all about sporty stuff, but he also wrote a phenomenal series on exercise and weight loss – there most coherent, to-the-point writing I’ve come across on the topic. If you want to check it out, here’s the link to the first article in the series.
And yes, Dr Tucker lives in Cape Town too…